Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Thank you, sir, may I have another

I have half a week off work, enough pills in my pocket to party with Rush Limbaugh, a freezer full of ice cream and Doc said I don't have to brush my teeth tonight. And the best part is, I've got two of these babies left in my jaw. So I could conceivably roll like this til I get out of the Navy. I feel like Kevin McCallister in Home Alone.

My dentist was this massive, barrel chested man--seriously barrel chested, like a snake swallowed a coke can. He had straight teeth set in a crooked jaw sitting on a huge neck. He wore one of those dentist do-rags that looks ridiculous on everyone except for really tough guys, boy-named-sue kind of guys. He wore his scrub pants high like a high school football coach and tied them in a tiny knot with the scrap of drawstring that was left after circling his huge trunk. As he explained the whole procedure to me all I could hear was "We can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way."

Once it was said and done, it took less than five minutes to actually get the tooth out. Doc spent more time cuing up U2's greatest hits on his iPhone than he did tinkling the ivories.

Please enjoy this Angels with Filthy Souls clip from Home Alone to celebrate Kids' Night. Note: it's better viewed while eating ice cream straight from the carton with an ice cream scoop.