Monday, August 3, 2009


Last week, Lauren and I stumbled on the faux-lovely The Cottages. They are, in fact, not cottages, but rather an apartment complex on the interstate. Allegedly inspired by "New England bungalows," they are neither bungalows nor cottages. The only thing New Englandy about them is that they're not from around here.

It's not just that these apartments are lame and obnoxious. Nor does it bother me too much that it's triple-false advertising (a not-cottage not-inspired by non-existent bungalows). What gets me is that folks like the ad men at Windsor Communities can literally say whatever they want. New, in downtown Austin (acutally Mexico), pure bread unicorns (actually ham sandwiches on white bread) for sale for fifty cents (20 euros plus five ducats and a backrub...and you have to guess my name).

Language doesn't mean anything. If I rented here, would I be allowed to pay my bill in currency-inspired toilet paper? Perhaps I could enjoy the swimming pool in my bathing suit-inspired nudity? It's Orwellian doublespeak nonsense.

Lauren and I like to call this frustratingly ubiquitous phenomenon, especially as it relates to property development, Pantswater. Pantswater, exclusivity within reach. Pantswater, featuring faux circular driveways and faux three-car garages. Pantswater, exotic rustic luxury. Pantwater, downtown island living...on a cloud made of bubblegum dreams and kitten sneezes.

Come to Pantswater del Tierra Norte on the Green at the Oaks of del Boca Vista on the Sands, and let us take your breath away with our exclusively affordable prices.