Monday, April 12, 2010


Apple has been dancing tactfully around what their iPad customers really want--to spend $499 so that other people will think they're cooler than maybe they actually are. To that end my crack team of design engineers have developed the iZak. For only $499 (see paypal link below) you can purchase the iZak, which is 6 months of me blogging about how cool you are. I'll provide you with premium posts in list form about how cool you are and why people should like you. I'll provide you with a permanent link to your posts so you can put them on your business cards or facebook page or your email signature. Here's a sample post:
[Your name here:]
likes tom petty
drives a subaru
travelled to spain for two weeks in college
wears eco friendly shoes
has a bottle opener fob from a local brewery on his key chain
works out regularly in his condominium's community weight room
contributes to amazon and itunes reviews
owns a semi-autonomous robotic vacuum
invests in mutual funds online
does bikram yoga
supports our troops with yellow stickers on his car bumper and facebook page
owns off-road rollerblades
listens to brad paisely
jogs with the nike+ipod sport kit

If you upgrade to the 3G version, I follow you around your office three times a week and give people the pistol fingers for you. Buy now, our initial run will only be for 150,000 units.